Lesson 14

Some Helpful Hints For Hubby

I Peter 3:7

In chapter 3:7 of his first letter, Peter turns the spotlight on the husband. His word to husbands is short by comparison - just one verse whereas there were 6 verses for wives - but this verse is packed full of strong imperatives. Let's read what it says.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

It is appropriate and perhaps providential that on this weekend in which 30 men from Dearborn spent Saturday together in prayer and fellowship and Bible teaching and exhortation, that today's message will be directed at husbands and future husbands. I hope that the weekend was a spiritual revival for all those involved and that it will make a difference in your home and in this church.

In the text, Peter specifically, speaks to "you husbands." Verse 7 begins with the word "likewise", a word which forces us backward in the text. Likewise - like what? Similar to what? Similar to the right attitude that Peter proclaimed to wives, similar to the submissive attitude of Christ before his accusers, husbands are called to manifest a right attitude toward their wives.

Here's a trick question. Does God expect any submission from husbands? In Ephesians 5, before telling wives to be submissive to their husbands, Paul says that we all are to "submit one to another". Submission is appropriate for a Christian husband, it simply manifests itself differently. I Peter 3:7 explains how a husband manifests the right attitude to his wife. In a word, this is done through consideration by "careful thought or attention."

Whereas women struggle with an attitude of submission, men struggle with sensitivity and consideration toward their wives and families.

I Peter 3:7 identifies 4 areas of responsibility where husbands are to show consideration to wives.

Your Physical Responsibility

"dwell with them"

The first responsibility is to live with your wife. The word for "dwell" means "to settle down and be at home with". Peter is telling husbands here that they are responsible for the "close togetherness" in the relationship. Providing a good living is not a substitute for sharing deeply in life.

Most wives would probably spell love with these four letters - T-I-M-E. Time. Time spent together as a couple and as a family. Here is where real intimacy comes in marriage. A close relationship, time spent together in conversation and joint interests. The husband should understand every room in his wife's heart and be sensitive to her needs.

To a lot of guys, home is more like a restaurant and a motel room - the place where you eat and sleep. Work - supper - TV (or computer) - sleep (Repeat). You can share a house, a bank account, a meal, a family and a bed without really sharing life. We are not suppose to just be roommates. We are suppose to be partners. Physically spend time dwelling with your wife.

Your Intellectual Responsibility

"according to knowledge"

"Dwell with them according to knowledge." The knowledge being spoken of here is not academic knowledge, but more of a deep understanding of how she is put together. Mrs. Albert Einstein was once asked by a reporter, "Do you understand Dr. Einstein's Theory of Relativity?" To which she replied with a twinkle in her eye, "I do not understand his theory, but I do understand the doctor."

Peter tells us to work at understanding our wives. I know that this is a tough assignment. There's not a lot that Sigmund Freud said that I would agree with but I can relate to these words, "Despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, I have never been able to answer ... the great question ... 'What does a woman want?'" It's easier to throw yourself into work than it is understand your wife. But Peter tells us dwell with her according to knowledge, meaning perceiving her innermost make-up, discerning her deep-seated concerns. Do you know her likes, her dislikes, her fears, her hopes, her dreams, her needs, her moods and her feelings?

Work at getting to know your wife.

Your Emotional Responsibility

"giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel"

This word for honor has to do with holding her in high esteem. Gary Smalley and John Trent define this word in their book The Gift Of Honor - "in ancient writings, honor was something of substance - literally heavy, valuable, costly, even priceless. For Homer, the Greek scholar wrote, 'The greater the cost of the gift, the more the honor'... it is also used for someone who occupies a highly respected position in our lives, someone high on the priority list." To honor your wife is to treat her as something that is very valuable and precious. She should know how important and valuable she is to you. Say it with your words. Show it with your actions.

It seems that courtship is a time when we give her much honor and marriage quickly becomes a time when we give her no honor. And then we wonder why our children do not respect their mother as they should.

When Peter refers to wives as "the weaker vessel", he is not lowering her value as morally, spiritually, intellectually or emotionally weaker than men. While women are physically not as strong as men (in most cases), the idea behind Peter's words is that the more expensive and valuable a vessel, the more delicate and fragile it is.

Peter compares people here to vessels. Men are like iron skillets. Their heavy and tough and can be treated roughly without any lasting damage. Women, on the other hand, are like an expensive and delicate vase that decorates our home. Fragile: Handle With Care. Give honor unto your wife, as unto a weaker vessel.

Your Spiritual Responsibility

"that your prayers be not hindered"

This part of this verse reminds that our horizontal relationships affect our vertical relationship. You cannot be right with God if you are not right with each other - especially at home.

This verse should motivate Christians to domestic harmony. You see, the husband and wife have an added incentive to live together in harmony - an effective prayer life.

The spiritual dimension of married life is so important, yet often so neglected. It is important that families pray together and worship together and serve God together as a partners.

Speaking personally here, I have to tell you that whatever success that I have in serving the Lord is a joint success. It isn't just me. It includes the cooperation and teamwork of Carla and Sarah and Larah and Leah. Without them I would be a completely different person and much, much less of a servant of God. We are in this together. They come alongside of me and try to help me to succeed in what I seek to do for God. And I have the responsibility to come alongside of them and help to also to succeed in their service to God.

Husbands, you have a four-fold responsibility to your wife. You are responsible to physically to dwell with her (give her time), to intellectually understand and be sensitive to her, to emotionally give her esteem and value and to spiritually help her be a successful servant of Jesus Christ.

And according to Peter, the results of this are that you will be "heirs together of the grace of life." That's the gravy. That's the cherry on top. Together inheriting the good life that God has in mind for you.

So how are you doing hubby? You know what? I suggest that you take her hand right now and maybe pray together and let her hear you ask God for sensitivity and the ability to be considerate. Let her hear you prayer for her. And tell her how valuable and precious she is to you.